Home > Pet Peeves > Energy Crisis

Energy Crisis

Why am I so tired all the time?  Damn, I don’t know, but here is a partial list of contributing factors:

  • Work.  I am required to actually go there from time to time, even before noon.  Life is unfair.
  • Dog.  She seems to know when it is 2AM and likes to go out.
  • Puppy.  As opposed to dog.  Requires much watching and is usually in a biting frenzy when I most need sleep.
  • Conan.  We have family on his staff, so have to watch sometimes, and he doesn’t even start till 11PM.
  • Light sleeper.  Always have been.  Find it much easier to stay asleep than to fall asleep, so would like to sleep in.
  • Wife.  Just the opposite.
  • Stepsons.  Young.  Nothing good happens before midnight.
  • Texts.  Young men out on town after midnight find lots of reasons to text Mom.
  • Mother-in-law.  Having some aging issues.  Knows that, if she falls out of bed, family will come visit.
  • Drivers.  Our fuel yard is next door and the drivers like to start work at 4AM.  Why has never been explained.
  • Alarm system.  The toy that cried wolf.  R2D2’s evil twin.
  • Alarm company.  They alert us to technical problems at 3AM.  Hey, they know we’re home.
  • Houses.  We own three.  Could you sleep?
  • Cars.  Six.  Only four drivers.
  • Insurance.
  • Skylight.  Nice, but used more often to view low-flying helicopters or visiting raccoons.  One word: dawn.
  •  Train.  Tracks about a block away.  Shakes house.
  • Fire whistle.  The firemen all have pagers, but they still like to blow the thing.
  • Stomach.  Indigestion is just part of being a Berntson, even if you eat Jello.
  • Bills.  Large enough and old enough that they should probably be addressed as Williams.
  • Pool.  Just an accident waiting to happen.
  • Trampoline.  Ditto.
  • New York.  Home to about a quarter of the world’s practicing attorneys.
  • Writing.  Can’t.  Too tired.  Worry for future.  Can’t sleep.  Loop.
  • Celebrities.  More than half the ones I know are dead.
  • Morning.  Once a certainty, then a goal, now a chance.

I am told there are people who view coffee as optional.


Categories: Pet Peeves
  1. John
    June 24, 2012 at 10:57 PM

    After all the wise cracks you ever made about my dogs, the fact that you even have dogs causes me to lose sympathy for that element of your lost sleep.

    My biggest sleep issue is that my wife has a deep seated phobia of proper curtains. If I nag her sufficiently, she might get some thin white wispy things that could be cut up for your great aunt’s doilies. Completely ineffective.

    Now is my worst sleep season though. The summer heat is upon us. Central air is impossible. We do have window units where the rest of the family retreats into. Unfortunately, white noise is grating and irritating to me. I can’t sleep to the sound of a constant hum.

    • June 25, 2012 at 12:20 PM

      Wisecracks? What? Okay, Kali tried to destroy your house, with you inside of it; I may have mentioned that. And PJ did try to slit his wrists; I may have mentioned that. Wisecracks?

      By the way, I did like both dogs, along with the relief player I barely knew. The sheppard?

      In my defense, the dog was here before I was – no choice in the matter. As to the puppy, it certainly wasn’t my idea, just like the damn chickens. By not saying “Absolutely not!” I was apparently giving consent. Still, the big lie we tell ourselves is that the puppy will leave when the older boy goes out on his own. Maybe.

      As to the window shades, maybe you can convince Carol that every teenage boy in the neighborhood is sneaking up for a peek. With binoculars. And telescopes. And video cameras.

  2. b
    June 29, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    ” Nothing good happens before midnight.”

    Or after! LOL

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